Motherhood and me, 8 years on

Today my son turned 8 years old. The years seem to have passed in a heartbeat. As always, my children's birthdays always stir up mixed emotions in me: joy at seeing their excitement, melancholy at the passing of the years, deep happiness that, despite life's challenges here we all are, still (usually) smiling. The first years of parenthood are such a whirlwind and I often felt myself floundering - I frequently felt isolated, unsure of myself and lacking in maternal instincts when I first had my son. Eight years on the waters are definitely calmer and although challenges still rise to the surface, the experiences of the last years have helped me to trust my own instincts more and be the mother I want to be, doing it my own way rather than following the herd. 

Like so many things in the modern world, I believe parenting has become another thing to be competitive about, meaning many of us put unrealstic pressures on ourselves: to have the natural birth, breastfeed the longest, have the child that excels in all areas. It's just not real life, but in chasing these ambitions, many parents lose sight what's really important. And getting it wrong sometimes is all part of the journey!

My own journey has been peppered with plenty of mishaps and moments of dispair, but there are lots of ways being a parent has taught me important lessons, and enhanced my life. At the most basic level, having children has taught me this - the importance of making the most of each day. Looking back, I think, what did I actually do pre-kids? I had few hobbies, didn't make enough effort with friends and didn't do much at the weekend. My children have really brought me focus, helped me to prioritise and opened my eyes to new opportunities and experiences. I'm more productive at work, I appreciate my free time much more and I've done things I never would have done in the past - I even went down a waterslide once! (rollercoasters still defeat me, though...)

So, cheers kids - thankyou for 8 years of muddling along, having a laugh and learning more about life than I ever did before you came along...ILY xx

PS: I didn't know about Netmums when my first son was born, but it would have been a great help when I was struggling to get a handle on motherhood. Its mission statement is to "help families have fun with and enjoy their children, and to make it unnecessary for any mum to feel lonely or isolated"

Family Matters

It's been a rather trying week in the Sanders household. Unfortunately a rather catastrophic argument ensued between my mother-in-law and I over the weekend. I'm sure inter-family stresses will be familiar to many, and in our case, as is also common with families, things always seem to come to a head in the run-up to Christmas. You don't need to know the finer details, but mother-in-law and I don't see eye to eye on a few things, and a misunderstanding over Christmas presents lit the touchpaper for this recent fall-out. It wasn't pretty. 

The dust is now settling and I've spent the last few days mulling things over. I've always understood it can't be easy being 'the other woman' and that as a mum of two boys I will one day be that woman, relinquishing her sons to the love and care of another. I'm sure there will be times I'll pass a disapproving eye over the way my daughters-in-law will do things, behave and raise her own children. As a daughter-in-law in the present, I know I'm far from perfect and sometimes take things too personally, particularly when it comes to my expectations about family and children.

As I have already said, I'm sure my stresses are common to many, so here's a little plea: Mother-in-laws, we sometimes get tired, emotional and over-protective of our little ones. Sometimes we just need a bit of empathy, or for you to show (or fein!) interest in the minutae of our kids' life (even if we bore you rigid sometimes!) And if you're a daughter-in-law? A little respect can go a long way, even if you can't agree on certain things. Let the small things go, and if you argue over the big things, never be too proud to say sorry or try and clear the air. 

On a more general note, parenting website Netmums recently conducted some intresting research into mothers-in-law - you can read a summary of the results and get their take on the mother-in-law debate in this article.