In Praise of Scandi Noir

So, I know I'm a bit late to party and the zeitgeist moved on from Scandi Noir long ago but I have become a tiny bit obsessed with The Killing in recent months. I was aware of its existence ages ago, but, as I am generally wont to do, I resisted watching it because everyone else was watching it. As a rule, if something becomes popular I do my utmost to avoid it. Not sure why. But as anyone who watches TV on a saturday night will know, there's not much broadcast on a Friday or Saturday evening that has any meaningful content.  Unless you tune into BBC4, where you'll find all sorts of stuff you never knew you were interested in, but once you start watching you can't tear yourself away from. A case in point: I ended up watching an entire programme about prog rock;  I simply couldn't stop watching it, though I take zero enjoyment from watching men flounce about in ridiculous outfits and piddle about with synthesisers for 3-hour long concept albums. 

It was therefore inevitable that I'd stumble upon Sarah Lund and co in time. That first viewing was a bit difficult. You definitely have to tune your ear to the strange, staccato nuances of the Danish language. And I struggled to follow quite a bit of the political stuff. But once I got past that, I really started to get why Danish drama is wiping the floor with anything coming out of the UK right now. And even some of the American stuff, like Homeland, which I also love, but which could, at times, take a leaf out of the understated acting that defines The Killing. 

Then there is Sarah Lund. What a character, so incredibly far removed from the standard female protagonists served up by other crime dramas. Without veering into cliche Sarah Lund portrays the 'damaged cop' part with utter credibility. It's rare to see a female character in a role like this; so often female characters in crime and other drama get typecast - they have to be kick-ass sexy, or men haters, or that rather pathetic combination of handy with a gun yet delicate and beautiful at the same time. Very few are portrayed as unflatteringly as Sarah Lund often is. It's so refreshing to see a female character who's a bit of a loner and actress Sophie Grabol gives an absolute masterclass in portraying a person who undoubtedly has neurosis' but is ultimately unworried about standing apart from colleagues and even family, as well as from what convention dictates women should be like. I'm far from a radical feminist but it's about time a female character like this was given some proper air-time on our screens.

As I ejected the last disc of the last series of my box set, I stumbled up Silent Witness and the contrast couldn't have been more stark, going from what I'd been immersed in over the past few weeks to the weak lines and simpering looks dished out by the female characters in this prime-time drama which pulls in something like 7 million viewers an episode. I have wondered if simply by virtue of having subtitles The Killing seems to inhabit a more sophisticated plane. But I don't think it's just that - the cinematography, outstanding acting across the cast and intelligent plot lines have something to do with it, too. 

So now I'm considering both purchasing The Bridge and booking a holiday to Denmark. And perhaps buying a Faroese jumper...

A bit of calm in an otherwise mad world

A couple of years' back I started doing yoga. I'd reached a point in my life - the kids were 6 and 2 at the time - when I was feeling stretched, both mentally and physically, and really needed an escape from what felt like constant demands on my time. I was slowly getting back into work but finding the juggling act invovled in balancing some semblance of a career with housework, homework, picking up, dropping off and all those other routine but necessary tasks, really exhausting. In short, I felt I was frantically trying to cover all bases and not really doing anything to the best of my abilities - a feeling experienced by busy mums the world over!

What I needed was some space, free of distractions and away from the home environment. I'd been thinking about trying yoga for a while, as the idea of doing something to improve not just my body but my mind also was really appealing. But I'm quite a reserved person, and was slightly perturbed by the idea of chanting, humming or doing strange breathing in a room full of strange people. I wasn't sure if I'd be bendy enough. Plus, having spoken to yoga-practising friends, who'd mentioned it might be a possibility - I was really worried I might break wind when attempting a particularly challenging pose...

Anyway, I found a class - local, at a convenient time, just long enough - and decided to put my reservations to the back of my mind. Two years on, I am now a regular attendee at a lovely class that I think has made quite a difference to my mental and physical state. And, to date, there have been no problems pertaining to flatulence....

I get my high-impact exercise through running, but yoga is a completely different experience, which I now find absolutely invaluable. Just learning to breath properly has been a revelation, and I have used the breathing techniques I've learned to help me in situations I find stressful: driving on the motorway and meeting potential clients, for example. My post baby-carrying posture, not exactly helped by the hours I spend stooping over a laptop, has improved and my body feels generally more toned. Oh, and the sleep I have post yoga is like nothing else - I always, ALWAYS, sleep deeply and soundly after a class. I think it makes your skin glow - just a little - too...not bad work for £7 a session!

I think I've been lucky to find a very non-intimidating class, full of 'normal' people, of all ages, which is led by a very lovely, non-intimidating teacher. For me, yoga has helped me to bring just a bit of calm into my often buzzing, over-crowded head. I am naturally quite a stressful person, and I don't believe anything will ever change my disposition to fear and anxiety. But having an hour and a bit to myself each week, where all is quiet, calm and focused, is a smaill but signficant way to help me keep my head above the water!

If you're new to yoga and looking for a class like the one I describe, I can highly recommend Bristol Yoga, which is run by the lovely Clara Lemon - check out her website for details of classes and workshops across the city.

Motherhood and me, 8 years on

Today my son turned 8 years old. The years seem to have passed in a heartbeat. As always, my children's birthdays always stir up mixed emotions in me: joy at seeing their excitement, melancholy at the passing of the years, deep happiness that, despite life's challenges here we all are, still (usually) smiling. The first years of parenthood are such a whirlwind and I often felt myself floundering - I frequently felt isolated, unsure of myself and lacking in maternal instincts when I first had my son. Eight years on the waters are definitely calmer and although challenges still rise to the surface, the experiences of the last years have helped me to trust my own instincts more and be the mother I want to be, doing it my own way rather than following the herd. 

Like so many things in the modern world, I believe parenting has become another thing to be competitive about, meaning many of us put unrealstic pressures on ourselves: to have the natural birth, breastfeed the longest, have the child that excels in all areas. It's just not real life, but in chasing these ambitions, many parents lose sight what's really important. And getting it wrong sometimes is all part of the journey!

My own journey has been peppered with plenty of mishaps and moments of dispair, but there are lots of ways being a parent has taught me important lessons, and enhanced my life. At the most basic level, having children has taught me this - the importance of making the most of each day. Looking back, I think, what did I actually do pre-kids? I had few hobbies, didn't make enough effort with friends and didn't do much at the weekend. My children have really brought me focus, helped me to prioritise and opened my eyes to new opportunities and experiences. I'm more productive at work, I appreciate my free time much more and I've done things I never would have done in the past - I even went down a waterslide once! (rollercoasters still defeat me, though...)

So, cheers kids - thankyou for 8 years of muddling along, having a laugh and learning more about life than I ever did before you came along...ILY xx

PS: I didn't know about Netmums when my first son was born, but it would have been a great help when I was struggling to get a handle on motherhood. Its mission statement is to "help families have fun with and enjoy their children, and to make it unnecessary for any mum to feel lonely or isolated"

Ditching dreary resolutions

I've never understood the obsession with making new year resolutions. I can't think of anything more soul-destroying than all that self-denial during what is surely the most punishing month of the year. I honestly don't think I could cope without chocolate through the dark days of January, for one thing, and although I'm not a big drinker, are cold winter days not made for enjoying a full-bodied red snuggled up in front of the fire? Anyway, resolutions are bad for your health, according to mental health charity Mind.

However, I do like the idea of self-improvement and facing the new year with some modicum of health and happiness. So, this is what I'll be doing this January and beyond:

1. Doing lots of baking

Making cakes has long been my therapy, but this month I'm going to try and expand my repertoire. I got the Leon puddings cookbook for Crimbo and there's lots of inspiring stuff in there to steer me away from my obsession with rose-water flavoured cup-cakes. Hell, I might even try making a macaroon! I will also bake a successful loaf of bread if it kills me.

2.Watching more films...

...instead of inanely scrolling through the freeview in search of something good to watch only to end up glued to re-runs of 'Don't Tell the Bride'. That is surely a waste of precious down-time. I always seem to miss the films I really want to see at the cinema, so I will endeavour to either catch them at our local indie cinema or rent them from the library.

3. Investing in some half-decent beauty products

The contents of my make-up bag are pretty dire. Most of the products are freebies from magazines. Either that or well past their sell-by date, or just not particularly useful day-to-day products - you can't really rock silver glitter eye-shadow on the school-run (well some people might be able to, but not me). So, it's down to Boots, rewards card in hand, to stock up on some basic kit I will actually use, and which might help fake some semblance of presentability.

4. Doing different stuff

The early years of parenthood can feel a bit ground hog day. But eight years on from giving birth to my first child I feel I can emerge from the fug of soft play centres, dank playgrounds and soggy football pitches at least once in a while. This year we'll do different stuff, things that in the past I've dismissed because 'the kids won't like it'. I'm not talking about all-day shopping marathons, just things like longer walks than we might have previously undertaken, or day trips to places we, the adults, might like to go to, without worrying if there's a park there or a soft play.

5. Not worrying about the weather

How many times have I put off running because it's slightly drizzling? Or cancelled a trip to the beach because there are a few clouds gathering? What's the worst that can happen?

And that's it. I suppose I should also add 'keeping this blog up to date' to the list, as my blogging hasn't been as prolific as I'd expected! But the point is that all of these ideas are completely achievable and will hopefully offer those 'small steps' to a happier day to day existence, rather than just reininforcing feelings of failure, like so many other broken resolutions do. 

There have been some really inspiring new year ideas, thoughts and musings on the Netmums blogs recently - go check them out. 

Happy 2012!

Family Matters

It's been a rather trying week in the Sanders household. Unfortunately a rather catastrophic argument ensued between my mother-in-law and I over the weekend. I'm sure inter-family stresses will be familiar to many, and in our case, as is also common with families, things always seem to come to a head in the run-up to Christmas. You don't need to know the finer details, but mother-in-law and I don't see eye to eye on a few things, and a misunderstanding over Christmas presents lit the touchpaper for this recent fall-out. It wasn't pretty. 

The dust is now settling and I've spent the last few days mulling things over. I've always understood it can't be easy being 'the other woman' and that as a mum of two boys I will one day be that woman, relinquishing her sons to the love and care of another. I'm sure there will be times I'll pass a disapproving eye over the way my daughters-in-law will do things, behave and raise her own children. As a daughter-in-law in the present, I know I'm far from perfect and sometimes take things too personally, particularly when it comes to my expectations about family and children.

As I have already said, I'm sure my stresses are common to many, so here's a little plea: Mother-in-laws, we sometimes get tired, emotional and over-protective of our little ones. Sometimes we just need a bit of empathy, or for you to show (or fein!) interest in the minutae of our kids' life (even if we bore you rigid sometimes!) And if you're a daughter-in-law? A little respect can go a long way, even if you can't agree on certain things. Let the small things go, and if you argue over the big things, never be too proud to say sorry or try and clear the air. 

On a more general note, parenting website Netmums recently conducted some intresting research into mothers-in-law - you can read a summary of the results and get their take on the mother-in-law debate in this article.

The joy of middle-aged gigging

Went to see Devonian electro-pop meisters Metronomy the other day. I've barely stopped playing their album, The English Riviera, which was released earlier this year, and am now busy discovering their back catalogue. If you like music of the electronic genre, do check this album out (it was nominated for the Mercury Prize this year and thankfully didn't win or we'd never be hearing from them again...) 

They put on a good live show, too, but what really struck me about the evening was just how broad the age range of people attending was. We (both 38) weren't the oldest people there! Obviously there were lots of lithe youngsters in attendance - Big G got chatting to a group of students (average age 19) who'd travelled down from Reading and were intending to stay out all night and catch the first train home...we felt exhausted just thinking about it. At the other end of the spectrum were two women in front of us in the queue who'd spotted their sons' teacher ahead of us in the line. They'd bought said teacher his Metronomy tickets as an end of year leaving present! How's that for trendy parenting?

As a middle aged gigger there's no pressure to stay right till the end, and you really don't care about looking trendy or worrying about your dancing - that stuff just doesn't matter anymore, you're just glad you're out throwing shapes when you'd normally be watching Question Time. My only request would be for gig venues to offer us oldies a bit more seating - just a few 'banquettes' around the side of the dancefloor would be nice - and it would be great if you could get a hot drink at the bar. I was spitting feathers mid-set and would have killed for a sit down and a nice cup of tea...

Beaver Scouts - Could there be a more entertaining, educational experience for boys?

I've been coming over all a bit evangelical about Beaver Scouts recently. I myself used to be a Brownie and Guide, but my hazy memories of making cups of tea and stitching on buttons for the quaintly named 'homemaker' badge don't come close to the fun stuff that kids seem to be doing these days. If my son's Beaver Scout Colony is anything to go by, the scouting association is offering kids the best value, most educational entertainment currently out there.

I know some people are mildly suspicious about 'uniformed organisations' and find the whole 'dib dib dib'-round-the-campfire concept a bit strange, but things have changed in recent years, and I reckon you'd be hard pushed to find another activity with so much going for it. Oh, and did you know girls can join Beavers and Cubs too these days? Highlights thus far for our little one have been a sleepover in a tee pee (with campfire breakfast and midnight feast, of course), a trip on a replica 1400s boat and a night hike. Each week, there's lots of running around outdoors, learning stuff about the world and working towards badges which not only teach kids invaluable life skills but which give them a real sense of achievement and boost their confidence. What's not to love? Add in the fact that your child gets to do all that stuff (knot tying, bonfire building, rocket making etc, etc) that you either don't know how to do or can't be bothered to do, and it's a win-win all round. 

As if that wasn't enough to get you firing off your details to the local colony right now, I've just happened upon some interesting research - according to the Institute for Public Policy Research, young people who join up to clubs such as beavers, cubs and scouts do better in later life. Former Scouts and Guides are 3% less likely to be depressed and 5% less likely to be single, separated or divorced by the age of 30. They are also more likely to own a home, achieve good qualifications and be earning a decent income!

This term, our son will become a pen pal with a Beaver in Oz, take part in Remembrance Day and visit the local police station - how's that for ticking all the boxes?! 

 Bear Grylls - Chief Scout