Motherhood and me, 8 years on

Today my son turned 8 years old. The years seem to have passed in a heartbeat. As always, my children's birthdays always stir up mixed emotions in me: joy at seeing their excitement, melancholy at the passing of the years, deep happiness that, despite life's challenges here we all are, still (usually) smiling. The first years of parenthood are such a whirlwind and I often felt myself floundering - I frequently felt isolated, unsure of myself and lacking in maternal instincts when I first had my son. Eight years on the waters are definitely calmer and although challenges still rise to the surface, the experiences of the last years have helped me to trust my own instincts more and be the mother I want to be, doing it my own way rather than following the herd. 

Like so many things in the modern world, I believe parenting has become another thing to be competitive about, meaning many of us put unrealstic pressures on ourselves: to have the natural birth, breastfeed the longest, have the child that excels in all areas. It's just not real life, but in chasing these ambitions, many parents lose sight what's really important. And getting it wrong sometimes is all part of the journey!

My own journey has been peppered with plenty of mishaps and moments of dispair, but there are lots of ways being a parent has taught me important lessons, and enhanced my life. At the most basic level, having children has taught me this - the importance of making the most of each day. Looking back, I think, what did I actually do pre-kids? I had few hobbies, didn't make enough effort with friends and didn't do much at the weekend. My children have really brought me focus, helped me to prioritise and opened my eyes to new opportunities and experiences. I'm more productive at work, I appreciate my free time much more and I've done things I never would have done in the past - I even went down a waterslide once! (rollercoasters still defeat me, though...)

So, cheers kids - thankyou for 8 years of muddling along, having a laugh and learning more about life than I ever did before you came along...ILY xx

PS: I didn't know about Netmums when my first son was born, but it would have been a great help when I was struggling to get a handle on motherhood. Its mission statement is to "help families have fun with and enjoy their children, and to make it unnecessary for any mum to feel lonely or isolated"

Ditching dreary resolutions

I've never understood the obsession with making new year resolutions. I can't think of anything more soul-destroying than all that self-denial during what is surely the most punishing month of the year. I honestly don't think I could cope without chocolate through the dark days of January, for one thing, and although I'm not a big drinker, are cold winter days not made for enjoying a full-bodied red snuggled up in front of the fire? Anyway, resolutions are bad for your health, according to mental health charity Mind.

However, I do like the idea of self-improvement and facing the new year with some modicum of health and happiness. So, this is what I'll be doing this January and beyond:

1. Doing lots of baking

Making cakes has long been my therapy, but this month I'm going to try and expand my repertoire. I got the Leon puddings cookbook for Crimbo and there's lots of inspiring stuff in there to steer me away from my obsession with rose-water flavoured cup-cakes. Hell, I might even try making a macaroon! I will also bake a successful loaf of bread if it kills me.

2.Watching more films...

...instead of inanely scrolling through the freeview in search of something good to watch only to end up glued to re-runs of 'Don't Tell the Bride'. That is surely a waste of precious down-time. I always seem to miss the films I really want to see at the cinema, so I will endeavour to either catch them at our local indie cinema or rent them from the library.

3. Investing in some half-decent beauty products

The contents of my make-up bag are pretty dire. Most of the products are freebies from magazines. Either that or well past their sell-by date, or just not particularly useful day-to-day products - you can't really rock silver glitter eye-shadow on the school-run (well some people might be able to, but not me). So, it's down to Boots, rewards card in hand, to stock up on some basic kit I will actually use, and which might help fake some semblance of presentability.

4. Doing different stuff

The early years of parenthood can feel a bit ground hog day. But eight years on from giving birth to my first child I feel I can emerge from the fug of soft play centres, dank playgrounds and soggy football pitches at least once in a while. This year we'll do different stuff, things that in the past I've dismissed because 'the kids won't like it'. I'm not talking about all-day shopping marathons, just things like longer walks than we might have previously undertaken, or day trips to places we, the adults, might like to go to, without worrying if there's a park there or a soft play.

5. Not worrying about the weather

How many times have I put off running because it's slightly drizzling? Or cancelled a trip to the beach because there are a few clouds gathering? What's the worst that can happen?

And that's it. I suppose I should also add 'keeping this blog up to date' to the list, as my blogging hasn't been as prolific as I'd expected! But the point is that all of these ideas are completely achievable and will hopefully offer those 'small steps' to a happier day to day existence, rather than just reininforcing feelings of failure, like so many other broken resolutions do. 

There have been some really inspiring new year ideas, thoughts and musings on the Netmums blogs recently - go check them out. 

Happy 2012!